Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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