i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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