YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
