ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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