Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He passed out mid-signature
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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