This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
