Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
