I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
