I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
