He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
