Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
