we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
