no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up backwards on a recliner
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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