i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
