I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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