how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
