why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
