Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
