the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
