your thong is hanging out like whoa
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
