Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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