i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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