no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
