rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
