Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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