I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
