Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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