It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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