Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
