Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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