so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
