so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
