Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
