windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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