It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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