he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
