I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
