The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
