I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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