alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
