New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
