im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
