This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
