i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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