i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
