return my video game
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
