guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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