on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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