he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
