Well apparently he's into motor boating.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
