dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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