You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
