Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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