Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
